Stephen Hawking says One Direction could be intact in the multiverse

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Stephen Hawking is taking on an unlikely new role as grief counselor to the innumerable tweens devastated by Zayn’s departure from One Direction.

During a special live event Saturday evening at the Sydney Opera House in Australia, a hologram of the famed physicist appeared onstage to answer some questions.

The final pre-submitted question of the evening was a real curveball: “What do you think is the cosmological effect of Zayn leaving One Direction and consequently breaking the hearts of millions of teenage girls across the world?”

“Finally, a question about something important,” Hawking deadpanned via his digital voice assistant before urging the heartbroken to seek solace in the quantum embrace of theoretical physics. “Because one day there may well be proof of multiple universes. It would not be beyond the realms of possibility that somewhere outside of our own universe lies another different universe. And in that universe, Zayn is still in One Direction.”

Well, thank goodness for that. What Hawking failed to mention, of course, is that in a different different universe, Mark Wahlberg never left his role as frontman for Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch to transition to an acting career. Clearly, that would be a universe to be avoided — hopefully it’s not the same one where Zayn stays in 1D

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